day two- your favourite movie

CATS the musical (movie version)

when i was a little girl my nanny recorded a strange musical about cats on video, she handed me this video and it would have to be the most loved and watched movie I own.

from the amazing costumes, to the delicate makeup, the hardcore dances and captivating voices this movie/musical WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE.

i know every word off by heart, most dances of by heart it truley is something amazing/inspiring to me. The movie made such a big impression on me, that it inspired me to want to become a performer its something ive always also aspired to be in.

i am a true die hard fan and have watched this movie so many times, week by week i wouldn't be surprised if ive watched it as many hours as i have been at school

day one- your favourite song

hmmmm the toughest question EVER to answer, this is something that is always forever changing with me but there is a certain one song at the moment that i am completely linked to emotionally and therefore can listen to it for hours on repeat..

DRUM ROLLL PLEASE.......................

touch me from the amazing SPRING AWAKENING!

the song reminds me of one day in one summer spent with a friend curled up in my room not saying anything just hugging and holding hands.

that memory is something i will never forget and everytime i hear that song i think of that time.it was even more amazing live.

the lyrics are powerful and express the truth of our deepest desires.

no words can actually describe how much i love this song!

development of the new year

so hello!,

i know there is nobody that actually reads my rants, thoughts and tear but its my way to vent and it seems to work.

so at the begining of this year i decided there were many things id like to accomplise this year. so far only 2 are underway on the positive side and 1 on the negative side.

1. my cooking adventures.

my goal was to learn how to cook as it is one of the skills in life i seem to epiclly fail at or spend little amount of time on. so far i have triumphed the art of basic cupcakes!! for AUSTRALIA DAY myself and 2 friends made aussie themed cupcakes to celebrate the day. they tasted amazing and looked great! SCORE 1 FOR ME! after the long day we were covered in icing and loaded on sugar but it was a day i will never forget and it signified my cooking debut. on another note i am trying to master the cooking of bacon, i seem to consistantly burn the bacon and idk how the hell i do it.

2. the development if my new room, there is something magical and theraputic about cleaning out your room and starting over. all i need to do is paint my walls white, print off images and frame them for my mass of pictures goinon my wall, i need to finish my ticket canvas's.

so far my room looks like this:

-on the back wall (green) i am putting up pics from shows ive done etc in a random fashion

- my other 3 walls need to be painted white

- i have kept every ticket to every show, concert circus etc ive been to and have pasted the onto canvases i have 2 done now i need to do my third and hang them up :P

- the teddy on the shelf the lion one his name is rumbleroar, and hes our circus baby ;)

- i still have to figure out wat to do with my toys but meh :p

but as i cleared away the shit the rubble the memories i felt instantly clean and refreshed and ready to battle what ever lies ahead :)

3. the NEGATIVE BUH BUH BUH!

the first thing on my list was to repair broken friendships well thats not goin to well, you see we keep going round in circles all the time. were like an old married couple we breakup were back together we fight we breakup and were back! its so frustrating. i have no clue what to say think or do anymore. what do u do when the person who meant everything to you is slipping away, and they are loosing you but dont seem to pull you back??

so thats it for now, if you read this (not that i think anyone does) can you tell me so i dont feel so pathetic please? but other than that im outsies

xxx

" i want you to want me, i need you to need me"

for once i feel strong and in control well for a day, then just seeing that picture we took at formal, well i melted all over again.

i dont get it, i want to be the strong one for once who crumbles at every word you feed me, but even the strong can feel weak again.

im afraid

i miss you

the way we were

the way everything was perfect

i cant keep figting with you, it kills me i need you, but i need u to need me back.

theres no point fighting for this by myself, that only results in loss

" i want you to want me, i need you to need me"

where the winds sigh

the most amazing and beautiful/addictive song ever. thank u spring awakening

"TOUCH ME"
Where I go, when I go there
No more memory anymore
Only men on distant ships
The women with them, swimming with them, to shore


Where I go, when I go there
No more whispering anymore
Only hymns upon your lips
A mystic wisdom, rising with them, to shore


Touch me – just like that
And that – o, yeah – now, that’s heaven
Now, that I like
God, that’s so nice
Now lower down, where the figs lie

Where I go, when I go there
No more shadows anymore
Only men with golden fins
The rhythm in them, rocking with them, to shore


Where I go, when I go there
No more weeping anymore
Only in and out your lips
The broken wishes, washing with them, to shore


Touch me – all silent
Tell me – please – all is forgiven
Consume my wine
Consume my mind
I’ll tell you how, how the winds sigh

Touch me – just try it
Now, there – that’s it – God, that’s heaven
I’ll love your light
I’ll love you right
We’ll wander down where the sins cry

Touch me – just like that
Now lower down, where the sins lie

Love me – just for a bit
We’ll wander down, where’s the winds sigh

Where the winds sigh
Where the winds sigh

the hope

"DO EVERYTHINK, LOVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN IT MAY HURT BUT IT HELPS US GROW. GIVE ALL YOU HAVE YOU MAY BE POOR BUT YOU WILL BE CONTENT. ALWAYS FORGIVE, YOUR HEART CANNOT AFFORD NOT TO. TEACH WHAT YOU KNOW LEARN WHAT YOU DONT.....STAY OPEN TO ALL"

change.

verb –verb (used with object)

1.

to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of(something) different from what it is or from what it wouldbe if left alone: to change one's name; to change one'sopinion; to change the course of history..

change: with the new year and a new list of things to change shown in "my turn now blog"

i have realised that as much as i want change and determined to go through with it, ive come to the conclusion that i like the idea of change but am acually afraid of it. im afraid of the unknown and what lies ahead with letting myself trust and believe in the change.

a friend once told me, well actually it was in a song " changes make us who we are" and ive decided to believe in it.

my first change was part 1. repair broken friendships. as myself and a friend tried to repair a crap load of damage, they came to the conclusion that we should start over from stratch, as in meet practically for the first time again. I am both excited and shit scared with this, because i simply don't know how to start over, i dont know how to do it and once again the idea of a new beginning "SCARES ME". but i trust them, i trust that this decision they made will work for the better and will repair the damage, and i realise there are some things that cant be undone and moving on will be the hardest thing i face with this new start.

CAN I REALLY trust in something that was once completely broken?

CAN I REALLY move on from what was said?

CAN I REALLY go through with it and embrace?

all i can say is that the person who is with me in this cannot let me go through this tunnel alone, we need to face the darkness to find the light together. so please if you read this please promise me you wont let go of my hand this time please help guide me and never let go.

and i now realise that change is unavoidable wether we like it or not, and im always gonna be afraid of it, but i think this time im going to attempt to tackle it. i also realise that sometimes having fear drives us forward into fighting our fear and achieving greatness, maybe this change will be positive (god i hope so)

wish me luck..