" i want you to want me, i need you to need me"

for once i feel strong and in control well for a day, then just seeing that picture we took at formal, well i melted all over again.

i dont get it, i want to be the strong one for once who crumbles at every word you feed me, but even the strong can feel weak again.

im afraid

i miss you

the way we were

the way everything was perfect

i cant keep figting with you, it kills me i need you, but i need u to need me back.

theres no point fighting for this by myself, that only results in loss

" i want you to want me, i need you to need me"

where the winds sigh

the most amazing and beautiful/addictive song ever. thank u spring awakening

"TOUCH ME"
Where I go, when I go there
No more memory anymore
Only men on distant ships
The women with them, swimming with them, to shore


Where I go, when I go there
No more whispering anymore
Only hymns upon your lips
A mystic wisdom, rising with them, to shore


Touch me – just like that
And that – o, yeah – now, that’s heaven
Now, that I like
God, that’s so nice
Now lower down, where the figs lie

Where I go, when I go there
No more shadows anymore
Only men with golden fins
The rhythm in them, rocking with them, to shore


Where I go, when I go there
No more weeping anymore
Only in and out your lips
The broken wishes, washing with them, to shore


Touch me – all silent
Tell me – please – all is forgiven
Consume my wine
Consume my mind
I’ll tell you how, how the winds sigh

Touch me – just try it
Now, there – that’s it – God, that’s heaven
I’ll love your light
I’ll love you right
We’ll wander down where the sins cry

Touch me – just like that
Now lower down, where the sins lie

Love me – just for a bit
We’ll wander down, where’s the winds sigh

Where the winds sigh
Where the winds sigh

the hope

"DO EVERYTHINK, LOVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN IT MAY HURT BUT IT HELPS US GROW. GIVE ALL YOU HAVE YOU MAY BE POOR BUT YOU WILL BE CONTENT. ALWAYS FORGIVE, YOUR HEART CANNOT AFFORD NOT TO. TEACH WHAT YOU KNOW LEARN WHAT YOU DONT.....STAY OPEN TO ALL"

change.

verb –verb (used with object)

1.

to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of(something) different from what it is or from what it wouldbe if left alone: to change one's name; to change one'sopinion; to change the course of history..

change: with the new year and a new list of things to change shown in "my turn now blog"

i have realised that as much as i want change and determined to go through with it, ive come to the conclusion that i like the idea of change but am acually afraid of it. im afraid of the unknown and what lies ahead with letting myself trust and believe in the change.

a friend once told me, well actually it was in a song " changes make us who we are" and ive decided to believe in it.

my first change was part 1. repair broken friendships. as myself and a friend tried to repair a crap load of damage, they came to the conclusion that we should start over from stratch, as in meet practically for the first time again. I am both excited and shit scared with this, because i simply don't know how to start over, i dont know how to do it and once again the idea of a new beginning "SCARES ME". but i trust them, i trust that this decision they made will work for the better and will repair the damage, and i realise there are some things that cant be undone and moving on will be the hardest thing i face with this new start.

CAN I REALLY trust in something that was once completely broken?

CAN I REALLY move on from what was said?

CAN I REALLY go through with it and embrace?

all i can say is that the person who is with me in this cannot let me go through this tunnel alone, we need to face the darkness to find the light together. so please if you read this please promise me you wont let go of my hand this time please help guide me and never let go.

and i now realise that change is unavoidable wether we like it or not, and im always gonna be afraid of it, but i think this time im going to attempt to tackle it. i also realise that sometimes having fear drives us forward into fighting our fear and achieving greatness, maybe this change will be positive (god i hope so)

wish me luck..

my turn now

the new year, a new beginning, a fresh start to what was an amazing, turblulent and stressful year.
2010 brought me new relationships with people who have become some of the greatest friends i could ever have the privledge to know. 2010 brought in amazing performance oppurtunites such as VICMOVES performed at the comedy theatre which gave me the oppurtunity as a dancer to improve my skills and perform with some amazing people such as NICA, YABC, 3 FEET OF BEAT and of course my school mates. then came the showcase where for the second time i had a solo (very exciting) and performed at monash uni where i was challanged with many obsticales but in the end it payed of and last of all the most amazing part NOCTURNO where i got to design the costumes for the show (which was a amazingly rare chance) and was given a aerial solo, this showed me, my love for circus is something i should pursue in the future, but the best part a family was formed with the people i will always love they made the experience so much better and they will ALWAYS remain as family. BUT as the year came to an end i realised there was so many things i missed out on and didnt do because i didnt want to dispaoint people or go against peoples views on me but as a new year starts i wish for one thing a clean slate.

2011 the new year and new wishes so i composed a list of things i wish to do this year and make the most out of everything and my last year at high-school.

THE LIST:

1. to repair friendships once broken
2. to learn how to cook
3. to work my up to auditioning for NICA (national institute of circus arts)
4. to push my skills in musical tehatre and learn new ones, by participating in every performance oppurtunity life thorws at me and to have the courage to audition for shows outside of school
5. to audition for cats
6. to learn how to balance life and try to de-stress a little
7. to become a strong and independent leader
8. to work on my dancing/singing
9. to really stand up for what i believe in and to truley bring out that inner hippy that need is waiting to be seen again.
10. to find a healthy way to regain and rebuild my iron, sugar levels
11. eat more organic food
12. to make time for those people i love
13. to re learn how to trust love and believe again
14. a new room
15. to save

for now that is it, but for now i start over

wish me luck

its my turn now,

in the words of elphaba "something has changed within me, something is not the same, im through with playing by the rules of someone elses game"