Day 09 — A photo you took

ok so it was on a self timer but i still technically took it because i pushed the button :)

my 17th birthday party spent at the zoo dressed as animals.

the photo reminds me of the day i completely all my dignity. we rode a train to the city then to the zoo completely decked out in this gear. the looks. the laughs. the FOOD!. the rain. the comments. and last of all MY FAMILY. best birthday ever so many memories were created so many things ill never forget yes we looked like the bIGGEST idiots but i could do it time after time.

it proved i am a little kid at heart and there was noone else i would have rather spent my day dressed so wacky with then my hipcat crew <3>

day eight a photo that makes you sad

japan

tsunami

earthquake

2011

in 2010 i visited this amazingly tranquil country called JAPAN.

every aspect of this great land was overflown with a beautiful wave of acceptance, beauty and politeness. but this year my favourite place in the whole world was ripped to shreds by the disastrous effects of a earthquake which then triggered a mass wave that destroyed towns.

And as if that wasnt enough the country is know faced with nuclear leakage that has already caused heath issues due to radiation to thousands.

with

Japan earthquake and tsunami death toll, latest (March 20)

Japan's National Police Agency released its latest official casualty statistics on the dead and missing around mid-day Sunday, March 20.

Deaths: 8,199

Injured: 2,613

Missing: 12,722

I am australian but i felt as if my own country was torn apart and i cant watch the news or read an article without tearing up because this country did not deserve this!!

but japan i know u can fight back

japan i know u will be hurt but you will rebuild

japan i love you thick and thin and right now i feel so powerless but i wish i was there lending a hand rebuilding this place of peace to its original state...

Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy

circus, my circus troupe my family<3

i love these guys with every fibre of my body they make my day spent with them the best just by simply being there. we have our mummy and daddy (charlie and nathanael) and the rest of us are all just the siblings :).

we were already close but after doing the annual show last year NOCTURNO we all became so much closer, were we spent everyday for nearly 2 weeks in september together rehearsing and getting in each others lack of personal space. it got to the point where we had a day off and didnt know what he hell we were supposed to do with ourselves..... the solution we were all on facebook going insane from seperation :(.

these guys mean the absoulute world to me and there is now way id be able to get by without them i miss the show period it was only a small show but was one of the most amazing experiences i HAVE EVER HAD !!!

i love them always will

<3

Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy

i have sat here and been putting this one off all day simply because i didnt know wat to choose :/
so i have decided to discuss one of my extreme loves... AERIALS

ever since i saw my first circus as a little tiny girl i have loved the idea of "defying gravity" and soaring through the air on a trapeze. as i grew older i discovered there was more out there to fly on. My first try on a aerial appartatus my beloved cloud swing, i am slowely mastering this piece of amazing-ness but i am slowly finding new loves for new appartus such as tissu, trapeze and aerial ring.

no feeling in the world could compare to that of grasping a bar of a flying trapeze and flying metres in the air and leaving a part of yourself behind.

sadly my body is starting to take some serious permanent injuries, my wrists are now forever slowely slipping out of alignment and popping in pain :(. my elbow has now a permanent rope burn and from learning static trapeze i now have scars on the back of my knee.

but sadly there is something therapeutic about getting new battle wounds after months of no aerials it makes you realise how hard your working..

Day 05 — Your favorite quote

I HAVE TWO GOD DAMN IT

numberino uno


yes look i know it is infact a refrence from WICKED but to me its more than that its the way id like to live the rest of my life defying gravity. i am in a circus and my dream has always been to become an aerilist and the only time i ever feel like i am flying like elphaba is during circus. to fly is to be free, to fly is to forget about everything and to defy your fears. i would even like to get this tattoo on my hip bone to also remind me of my dreams and to keep on trucking thru the troubles and find that form of escape again.

numberino twooosies
"ozer rever"

a quote from cirque du soleil it means dare to dream... enough said

day four- your favourite book

oh wow THIS is getting hard, so many books i have read over the years that have been incredible but one from my childhood stands out THE JUDY MOODY SERIES.
i had every book in the series and would read it and read it days on end.

it would be the book i would turn to when i couldnt sleep, even though i knew the story word for word i would still huddle up in my blankie and read it for hours on end.

thewere about a little american girl who was her own unique person and didnt live by anybody elses rules :)
she was strong determined and some what graceful. she had goals like saving the world, becoming famous and becoming independent.. a book any little girl should read :)

your favourite tv show DAY THREE

GLEE

who couldnt love this show ?!

any musical theatre lover has fallen inlove with this show, its brilliant and so inspiring for young performers to watch. It inspires us to not only carry out the things we love , but to not put our selves down for loving what we do. to be confident in ourselves and to never give up.

it teachers us to also step outside our comfort zones sometimes to archive the goal we want :)

as much rachel berry can be annoying she is in fact a great role model for young female performers, not the diva aspect but the self confidence and the knowledge that we can create greatness that we are all stars

love your glee(k) <3

day two- your favourite movie

CATS the musical (movie version)

when i was a little girl my nanny recorded a strange musical about cats on video, she handed me this video and it would have to be the most loved and watched movie I own.

from the amazing costumes, to the delicate makeup, the hardcore dances and captivating voices this movie/musical WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVOURITE.

i know every word off by heart, most dances of by heart it truley is something amazing/inspiring to me. The movie made such a big impression on me, that it inspired me to want to become a performer its something ive always also aspired to be in.

i am a true die hard fan and have watched this movie so many times, week by week i wouldn't be surprised if ive watched it as many hours as i have been at school

day one- your favourite song

hmmmm the toughest question EVER to answer, this is something that is always forever changing with me but there is a certain one song at the moment that i am completely linked to emotionally and therefore can listen to it for hours on repeat..

DRUM ROLLL PLEASE.......................

touch me from the amazing SPRING AWAKENING!

the song reminds me of one day in one summer spent with a friend curled up in my room not saying anything just hugging and holding hands.

that memory is something i will never forget and everytime i hear that song i think of that time.it was even more amazing live.

the lyrics are powerful and express the truth of our deepest desires.

no words can actually describe how much i love this song!

development of the new year

so hello!,

i know there is nobody that actually reads my rants, thoughts and tear but its my way to vent and it seems to work.

so at the begining of this year i decided there were many things id like to accomplise this year. so far only 2 are underway on the positive side and 1 on the negative side.

1. my cooking adventures.

my goal was to learn how to cook as it is one of the skills in life i seem to epiclly fail at or spend little amount of time on. so far i have triumphed the art of basic cupcakes!! for AUSTRALIA DAY myself and 2 friends made aussie themed cupcakes to celebrate the day. they tasted amazing and looked great! SCORE 1 FOR ME! after the long day we were covered in icing and loaded on sugar but it was a day i will never forget and it signified my cooking debut. on another note i am trying to master the cooking of bacon, i seem to consistantly burn the bacon and idk how the hell i do it.

2. the development if my new room, there is something magical and theraputic about cleaning out your room and starting over. all i need to do is paint my walls white, print off images and frame them for my mass of pictures goinon my wall, i need to finish my ticket canvas's.

so far my room looks like this:

-on the back wall (green) i am putting up pics from shows ive done etc in a random fashion

- my other 3 walls need to be painted white

- i have kept every ticket to every show, concert circus etc ive been to and have pasted the onto canvases i have 2 done now i need to do my third and hang them up :P

- the teddy on the shelf the lion one his name is rumbleroar, and hes our circus baby ;)

- i still have to figure out wat to do with my toys but meh :p

but as i cleared away the shit the rubble the memories i felt instantly clean and refreshed and ready to battle what ever lies ahead :)

3. the NEGATIVE BUH BUH BUH!

the first thing on my list was to repair broken friendships well thats not goin to well, you see we keep going round in circles all the time. were like an old married couple we breakup were back together we fight we breakup and were back! its so frustrating. i have no clue what to say think or do anymore. what do u do when the person who meant everything to you is slipping away, and they are loosing you but dont seem to pull you back??

so thats it for now, if you read this (not that i think anyone does) can you tell me so i dont feel so pathetic please? but other than that im outsies

xxx

" i want you to want me, i need you to need me"

for once i feel strong and in control well for a day, then just seeing that picture we took at formal, well i melted all over again.

i dont get it, i want to be the strong one for once who crumbles at every word you feed me, but even the strong can feel weak again.

im afraid

i miss you

the way we were

the way everything was perfect

i cant keep figting with you, it kills me i need you, but i need u to need me back.

theres no point fighting for this by myself, that only results in loss

" i want you to want me, i need you to need me"

where the winds sigh

the most amazing and beautiful/addictive song ever. thank u spring awakening

"TOUCH ME"
Where I go, when I go there
No more memory anymore
Only men on distant ships
The women with them, swimming with them, to shore


Where I go, when I go there
No more whispering anymore
Only hymns upon your lips
A mystic wisdom, rising with them, to shore


Touch me – just like that
And that – o, yeah – now, that’s heaven
Now, that I like
God, that’s so nice
Now lower down, where the figs lie

Where I go, when I go there
No more shadows anymore
Only men with golden fins
The rhythm in them, rocking with them, to shore


Where I go, when I go there
No more weeping anymore
Only in and out your lips
The broken wishes, washing with them, to shore


Touch me – all silent
Tell me – please – all is forgiven
Consume my wine
Consume my mind
I’ll tell you how, how the winds sigh

Touch me – just try it
Now, there – that’s it – God, that’s heaven
I’ll love your light
I’ll love you right
We’ll wander down where the sins cry

Touch me – just like that
Now lower down, where the sins lie

Love me – just for a bit
We’ll wander down, where’s the winds sigh

Where the winds sigh
Where the winds sigh

the hope

"DO EVERYTHINK, LOVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN IT MAY HURT BUT IT HELPS US GROW. GIVE ALL YOU HAVE YOU MAY BE POOR BUT YOU WILL BE CONTENT. ALWAYS FORGIVE, YOUR HEART CANNOT AFFORD NOT TO. TEACH WHAT YOU KNOW LEARN WHAT YOU DONT.....STAY OPEN TO ALL"

change.

verb –verb (used with object)

1.

to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of(something) different from what it is or from what it wouldbe if left alone: to change one's name; to change one'sopinion; to change the course of history..

change: with the new year and a new list of things to change shown in "my turn now blog"

i have realised that as much as i want change and determined to go through with it, ive come to the conclusion that i like the idea of change but am acually afraid of it. im afraid of the unknown and what lies ahead with letting myself trust and believe in the change.

a friend once told me, well actually it was in a song " changes make us who we are" and ive decided to believe in it.

my first change was part 1. repair broken friendships. as myself and a friend tried to repair a crap load of damage, they came to the conclusion that we should start over from stratch, as in meet practically for the first time again. I am both excited and shit scared with this, because i simply don't know how to start over, i dont know how to do it and once again the idea of a new beginning "SCARES ME". but i trust them, i trust that this decision they made will work for the better and will repair the damage, and i realise there are some things that cant be undone and moving on will be the hardest thing i face with this new start.

CAN I REALLY trust in something that was once completely broken?

CAN I REALLY move on from what was said?

CAN I REALLY go through with it and embrace?

all i can say is that the person who is with me in this cannot let me go through this tunnel alone, we need to face the darkness to find the light together. so please if you read this please promise me you wont let go of my hand this time please help guide me and never let go.

and i now realise that change is unavoidable wether we like it or not, and im always gonna be afraid of it, but i think this time im going to attempt to tackle it. i also realise that sometimes having fear drives us forward into fighting our fear and achieving greatness, maybe this change will be positive (god i hope so)

wish me luck..

my turn now

the new year, a new beginning, a fresh start to what was an amazing, turblulent and stressful year.
2010 brought me new relationships with people who have become some of the greatest friends i could ever have the privledge to know. 2010 brought in amazing performance oppurtunites such as VICMOVES performed at the comedy theatre which gave me the oppurtunity as a dancer to improve my skills and perform with some amazing people such as NICA, YABC, 3 FEET OF BEAT and of course my school mates. then came the showcase where for the second time i had a solo (very exciting) and performed at monash uni where i was challanged with many obsticales but in the end it payed of and last of all the most amazing part NOCTURNO where i got to design the costumes for the show (which was a amazingly rare chance) and was given a aerial solo, this showed me, my love for circus is something i should pursue in the future, but the best part a family was formed with the people i will always love they made the experience so much better and they will ALWAYS remain as family. BUT as the year came to an end i realised there was so many things i missed out on and didnt do because i didnt want to dispaoint people or go against peoples views on me but as a new year starts i wish for one thing a clean slate.

2011 the new year and new wishes so i composed a list of things i wish to do this year and make the most out of everything and my last year at high-school.

THE LIST:

1. to repair friendships once broken
2. to learn how to cook
3. to work my up to auditioning for NICA (national institute of circus arts)
4. to push my skills in musical tehatre and learn new ones, by participating in every performance oppurtunity life thorws at me and to have the courage to audition for shows outside of school
5. to audition for cats
6. to learn how to balance life and try to de-stress a little
7. to become a strong and independent leader
8. to work on my dancing/singing
9. to really stand up for what i believe in and to truley bring out that inner hippy that need is waiting to be seen again.
10. to find a healthy way to regain and rebuild my iron, sugar levels
11. eat more organic food
12. to make time for those people i love
13. to re learn how to trust love and believe again
14. a new room
15. to save

for now that is it, but for now i start over

wish me luck

its my turn now,

in the words of elphaba "something has changed within me, something is not the same, im through with playing by the rules of someone elses game"