change.

verb –verb (used with object)

1.

to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of(something) different from what it is or from what it wouldbe if left alone: to change one's name; to change one'sopinion; to change the course of history..

change: with the new year and a new list of things to change shown in "my turn now blog"

i have realised that as much as i want change and determined to go through with it, ive come to the conclusion that i like the idea of change but am acually afraid of it. im afraid of the unknown and what lies ahead with letting myself trust and believe in the change.

a friend once told me, well actually it was in a song " changes make us who we are" and ive decided to believe in it.

my first change was part 1. repair broken friendships. as myself and a friend tried to repair a crap load of damage, they came to the conclusion that we should start over from stratch, as in meet practically for the first time again. I am both excited and shit scared with this, because i simply don't know how to start over, i dont know how to do it and once again the idea of a new beginning "SCARES ME". but i trust them, i trust that this decision they made will work for the better and will repair the damage, and i realise there are some things that cant be undone and moving on will be the hardest thing i face with this new start.

CAN I REALLY trust in something that was once completely broken?

CAN I REALLY move on from what was said?

CAN I REALLY go through with it and embrace?

all i can say is that the person who is with me in this cannot let me go through this tunnel alone, we need to face the darkness to find the light together. so please if you read this please promise me you wont let go of my hand this time please help guide me and never let go.

and i now realise that change is unavoidable wether we like it or not, and im always gonna be afraid of it, but i think this time im going to attempt to tackle it. i also realise that sometimes having fear drives us forward into fighting our fear and achieving greatness, maybe this change will be positive (god i hope so)

wish me luck..